Or you could just sleep late — Has anyone else noticed how Roz Warren has other people write half her stuff by tapping up Facebook followers, or hitting on her email list? She comes up with a title, some kind of introduction, and then has other people do the rest. The idea is genius. …

A guide to efficient string replacement — It’s hard to believe, but 12 months have passed since you last changed the string on your battery powered Ego String Trimmer. You’ve been working so hard in the yard this summer, it’s time to change the string again. The following steps will guide you through the simple reloading process. …

Lead casts long shadow over performance — Recently, I was fortunate enough to procure tickets to The Hunchback of Notre Dame, a show that I’ve been dying to see. I don’t know what the organizers of this production were thinking, but it’s pretty obvious the actor playing the lead has some kind of back problem. …

Clear-headed guidance for those political gray areas — Today’s political landscape is so fraught with pitfalls it’s no wonder men have lost their way around women. One moment you’re a beloved state governor considering a presidential run, the next you’re on a flight from Western New York suggesting a game of strip poker. …

Ted Cruz Says Pants Don’t Fit Right — On what is likely the final day of the impeachment trial, Senate Republicans arrived at the Capitol in red noses and big shoes, carrying extendable ladders and buckets of soapy water. As they pulled up to the main steps in a red and yellow Volkswagen Beetle, all fifty Republican senators…

Says Second Shot Unnecessary — Missouri Senator Josh Hawley has confirmed he was vaccinated against the truth back in October, along with fellow Republican Lauren Boebert. “I feel great,” said the first term senator. “I’d say at this stage I’m pretty much immune to any evidence-based reality.” Marjorie Taylor Greene was originally scheduled to be…

Democrats in disarray after foot faux pas — Following video released showing him walking up the steps to the Capitol wearing socks that don’t match, House Representative Mark Warrington has announced he will be stepping down. The video, which has gained 74 million views, shows the now disgraced congressman almost gaining entrance to Congress dressed in one black…

Standing in corner not ruled out — As revelations for Marjorie Taylor Greene’s support for QAnon conspiracy theories continue, outraged Democrats are calling for the freshman congresswoman to sit on the Naughty Step. Speaking to reporters Thursday Nancy Pelosi urged Kevin McCarthy and other Republican leaders to sit down with the embattled Congresswoman to reach an agreement. …